Ranma and Ryoga walked, side by side, through the park along the river front. It was a lovely autumn evening. The air was just crisp enough to feel good after being in the restaurant, and there was a slight breeze ruffling through the leaves of the trees, which caused a gentle murmuring rustle as ever-present background noise. The last of what had been a gorgeous sunset was fading away in the west across the river, its fiery colors drowning in the sea of dark blue presently spreading over the sky. Lamp posts that lit the paths through the park were coming on one by one, illuminating others out to enjoy the early night.

It was a beautiful evening, an ideal setting for a first date, but Ranma had to keep reminding herself that this was not a real date. This was a ruse, a charade being played out for her honor as a martial artist and a man.

Ranma was feeling slightly self-conscious. Not only were they out in public, visible to anyone that might contribute to rumors of the evening somehow getting back to Nodoka Saotome, but other couples they passed were cuddling close on park benches, holding hands, enjoying each other’s company. She and Ryoga were walking in silence, and though she had tried to take his hand to keep up appearances, Ryoga had pulled away.

She couldn’t say that she blamed him. It was her ego and paranoia that had gotten them into this mess in the first place, after all, and she knew that he was beyond furious with her, that she had over-stepped the limits of their shaky pseudo-friendship by dragging him into this scheme with her. But when she honestly thought about it, analyzed it . . . Ryoga was really the only person that she trusted enough to even consider asking for help in this situation. He understood honor. He understood male pride and not wanting to appear as anything less in the eyes of those that mattered. And Ryoga had helped him out many times in the past; a deeply buried part of Ranma knew that the Lost Boy could always be counted on for support and assistance, no matter how much he might protest.

Ryoga looked up in response to her question, the first words either of them had uttered since leaving the restaurant. The expression on his face was one of careful control. He was mad, but he was checking it with remarkable restraint, and that in itself was cause for concern. "No, Ranma - I mean, Ranko. The fish was fine."

"Well, you’re not going to win any awards for conversational skills, pal. Can’t you even make an attempt to loosen up a bit?" Ranma frowned at him. "I mean, this is just one night out. We’ve survived a heck of a lot worse than this, and even in the middle of the most heated fight I usually can’t get you to shut up. What’s the deal?"

Ryoga looked like he was mentally counting to ten. "I really don’t have much to say to you, Ranma," he said flatly before continuing in a slightly more plaintive tone. "And aside from that, I’m tired. You know, you practically kidnaped me to drag me out on this date with you. I just got back into town this morning, and I didn’t even get a chance to rest before you had Kasumi playing dress-up with me."

"Look, how many more times do you want me to apologize? This was not my doing. Do y’think that I would actually -want- to go out on a date with you if I had any other choice?" she folded her arms as she walked, a pert scowl on her face.

He shot her a rather severe glare.

Ranma lifted her hand in a ‘backing off’ gesture and they resumed their silent walk for a time. Eventually, however, she happened to think about something he’d said - that he’d just gotten back into town. "Y’know . . ." she ventured musingly, "Come to think of it, we -haven’t- seen you in awhile. Not in months, I’ll bet. Where’ve ya been?" She was still very disturbed by his abrupt shut-down on the dance floor, and wondered if perhaps something had happened to him on the road. Though she didn’t like to show it, she did consider Ryoga more of a friend than a rival; after all they had known each other since they were children, and she was concerned that there was something wrong.

Ryoga gazed out over the river with a indistinctly angry frown. "Nowhere." The breeze kicked up, swirling a stream of early autumn fallen leaves around them, which scattered in their wake as they walked.

"You’ve been nowhere for months? That’s a pretty long stretch of time, Ryoga," Ranma pointed out.

The dark haired young man increased his pace and raised his eyes to fix another annoyed glare on her. "Could we please can the attempts at small talk? Let’s just get back to the dojo, all right? I’m tired and I want this evening to be over with. You’re not exactly my idea of the perfect date."

"I’m sorry I’m not Akane," Ranma snapped, then gestured in a direction vastly different from the one they were headed in. "And the dojo is that way, genius. But it’s too early to head back now. We have to stay out at least an hour longer to make this look good. Now, would you please at least try to look like you’re enjoying yourself?"

"I’ve never been a good actor, Ranko," Ryoga replied tightly, his expression carefully flat and neutral.

({ Well, y’seem to be doing a fine job of it now, Ryoga, }) Ranma thought to herself, tossing her companion a sideways glance. ({ I know that something’s wrong, but you’re hiding it well. If you were anyone else, I wouldn’t be able to tell. But this -is- you and hiding whatever’s the problem like you are . . . well, it just ain’t your style, buddy. })

Ranma sighed lowly and kept pace with him, watching the other couples as they made their way through the darkening park. They looked very out of place, with Ryoga keeping as far from her as he possibly could and walking swiftly. He either ignored any of her attempts at small talk or answered her shortly, and as they passed more and more people out for evening walks, Ranma began to fret over his cold attitude, and how it might look to others. Yes, maybe it was a longshot that any of their behavior tonight would get back to Nodoka, but the red head wasn’t interested in trying to beat the odds. Not this time. Not when her life and manhood were at stake.

Biting her lower lip, Ranma hurried to place herself close to Ryoga’s side, slipping her arm through his. Strangely enough, the panic in her chest faded a bit as soon as she was close to him.

He stiffened immediately and shot her a vicious look. "Ran –"

"Shhh!" she interrupted. Looking up at him, she swallowed hard and implored, "Onegai shimasu, Ryoga!"

The Lost Boy faltered. Ranma was not the type of person who often resorted to pleading. He had more pride than that. It apparently occurred to Ryoga then that this was serious and that he had forgotten their main reason for being on this stupid date in the first place: Ranma’s honor. Her future as a man and a martial artist. Two things that Ryoga had great respect for. Two things that he knew he himself no longer possessed . . .

Tightening his jaw, Ryoga nodded slowly and put an arm around Ranma’s shoulders, somehow managing to make the gesture look smooth and natural. Because she was so much shorter than he, it was a bit difficult to continue their walk that way, but they managed, bumping into each other only a few times.

************************************************

As Ranma expected, lights were on at the Tendo residence when she and Ryoga arrived. The date was over, but the ordeal was not. Now she would have to face her mother and pretend that she and Ryoga had a wonderful time, that everything had gone well, and that she was pleased to have gone out. Ha. As if. Right now the only thing Ranma really wanted was a hot bath and her comfortable sleeping pad in the Tendo’s guest room.

She sighed heavily and paused them beneath one of the lamps that lit the street just outside the house. When she looked up at Ryoga, she became acutely aware of how tired he must have been, for his dark eyes were heavy with exhaustion and he carried himself without the usual poise that came from martial arts training. She wondered briefly how far he had traveled this last time out, and speculated again on what could have happened that seemed so disturbing to him. He had been behaving rather out of character all night . . . actually, now that she thought about it, he had acted strangely since first showing up that morning. His greeting to Akane had been unusually bland, with none of his normal nervous stuttering or anxiety, for example. But Ranma had been so caught up in her own impending problems, that she hadn’t quite taken notice of it at the time.

({ And then I go and drag him off on this ridiculous date. Shimatta, am I a major jerk, or what? The poor idiot has enough problems without me making it worse for him. Well, at least it’s over . . . })

"All right," Ranma began. "Just drop me off at the front door, then follow the wall around to the back of the garden and hop over. I’ll try to hustle Mom out as soon as I can. Then we can change out of these freak’n uncomfortable clothes and catch a breather. I’m sure Mr. Tendo won’t mind putting you up for the night, and we could do a little sparring before bed if you want." Maybe she could get him to release some of that anger he’d pent up from the evening, and a few well-placed questions might get him talking again.

Ryoga frowned dully. "No thanks, Ranma. I’d rather beat up on you when I’m awake enough to enjoy it."

Ranma grimaced inwardly, but chuckled outwardly. "Tomorrow, then. Maybe tonight you’d just like a bucket of cold water and Akane’s pillow, huh?"

She made the comment in hopes of inciting some sort of defensive response from him, so that she could judge just how deep this problem was. Though a small spark came up in Ryoga’s eyes, it definitely wasn’t the reaction she had come to expect from him. "Very funny, Ranma," Ryoga replied.

({ No, not very funny at all. What is wrong with you, Hibiki? })

Ranma patted his arm, giving him a mild smile. "Let’s go. The worst is over, pal."

They wandered up the front walk side by side, moving in a casual manner. When she looked up, Ranma was startled to notice a shadow flickering in one of the windows, shaped like the indistinct outline of an older woman. There was other movement as well, further back in the light from the house. Ranma felt her stomach sink. She had intended to simply say good night to Ryoga and slip through the door, but it appeared they had an audience, and she realized that she should have expected that. A mild panic fluttered in her chest.

Though she would have to say that the date was a success for the most part, things -had- gone wrong tonight, things that attracted attention. Ryoga’s initial refusal to dance with her came immediately to mind. And their very un-couple-like behavior in the park. Oh man, if any of that somehow got back to Nodoka, then Ranma’s cover could become suspect, and his honor, as well as his very life, might be in jeopardy.

Unwarranted paranoia taking control of her once again, Ranma frantically tried to think of something that would cinch the drama she had played out tonight, something that would finally satisfy her mother that Ranko Tendo was doing just fine with her current boyfriend and didn’t need to be fixed up with a strange guy, or cultivated into the perfect girl. She pounced on the first wild answer that sprang to mind, too consumed for the moment to reflect on where such a course of action might ultimately take her . . .

Swiftly, Ranma turned to Ryoga, grabbing him by the front of the shirt and yanking him closer. "Kiss me!" she hissed in an urgent whisper.

He was shaken out of his bleariness immediately and something akin to blank horror swept across his features. "Wha - - ? W - what . . . !"

"Shut up, you idiot, and give me a goodnight kiss!" Ranma hopped up, lacing her arms around his neck and pulling him down to her level so that she could press their lips together.

It was nothing more than that, just a meeting of their mouths, but deep in the very core of her being, the boy that she actually was rebelled, screaming out mentally about how wrong, wrong, VERY wrong this was! She felt Ryoga go rigid, as if he had just been turned to stone, and a small whine of nervous misery escaped his throat. His body temperature soared immediately, fueled by a combination of anger, confusion, and embarrassment.

Ranma empathized, she really did, but stayed in the lip-lock with him for as long as she could stand it, ready to break it off when she felt their audience had seen enough to be convinced. Strangely enough, she could almost hear Ryoga’s frantic heart beat and could feel him straining to be away from her, but she held him fast, refusing to let him go. The near panic that filtered into his aura prompted her to pray to whatever gods there were that he wouldn’t over-react, that he wouldn’t attack her or scream out some nonsense about honor and saving his first kiss for the woman he married. ({ Oh man, please Ryoga, keep your head! Don’t do anything to screw this up! })

Then, to her extreme shock, she realized that she wasn’t pulling out of the kiss as she intended, that Ryoga’s struggles had stopped and he had his arms up, wrapping them around her waist and making sure that she stayed close. Her eyes flew open in surprise and she locked her gaze with his for a long moment. There was something close to pain and terror reflected in his expression, and Ranma felt her heart freeze as she saw it. What the hell? She’d expected anger and outrage, not pain again. What was wrong with him, and if this kiss hurt so much, then why were neither of them putting a stop to it?

Ryoga did break the kiss for a moment, drawing in a breath of the evening air, but then he bent down and renewed the contact quickly, pressing his mouth firmly against hers, gripping her crushingly. Ranma’s entire body jerked with surprise, and a slow gentle warmth spread throughout her. Amazed that she wasn’t protesting, she tightened her hold around his neck and returned the kiss with the same passion he was giving her.

Closing his crushed velvet eyes, Ryoga forced her mouth open and ran his tongue over hers, pushing against her so tightly that their teeth ground together. This time, it was Ranma who made the soft sound, astounded at how different this kiss felt from the first. Now Ryoga’s mouth was warm and inviting, and his tongue playing with hers felt odd and strangely exciting at the same time. His insistence was almost desperate in intensity, and caused a flare of heat to spring up within Ranma’s stomach. When she drew in a breath, her nose was filled with his musky outdoor scent, and she realized that each of her joints felt as if they had been turned to jelly. Ryoga’s arms around her waist were her single means of support.

({ This is wrong! Oh kami-sama, it is SO wrong! }) Ranma’s true form shrieked at him. ({ I’m a GUY! I should not be enjoying this! And this is RYOGA who’s kissing me! He’s my rival, I’ve known him since we were kids! Agh! I should kill him for even daring to . . . but I started it . . . but he didn’t have to . . . damn it all, it feels so good . . . })

There was a soft clicking sound, then a flood of light as the front door was opened. Ryoga jerked backwards, breaking away from Ranma as if he had just been burned by the unexpected illumination. He stuttered incoherently, turning red, just as Ranma felt herself flush with hot guilt. She whirled to find Nodoka standing in the doorway, a rather displeased scowl on her face. Akane was peering out around her, and further back, Kasumi stood nursing a soft expression of mild surprise.

Ranma groaned inwardly. Her stomach sinking into the remains of the warm rush Ryoga had ignited, she looked back up at him, at the mortification that crept across his features as the reality of what had just happened dawned on him. He looked like he wished the ground would open up and swallow him, that lightning would strike him, that the world would somehow end right now before he was forced to face what he had done. Ranma could only stare at him for a long moment, at a complete loss as to what she could say to him now that they had . . . oh kami-sama . . . She suddenly had the wild urge to hug him tightly, make all of this go away for him, to try and smooth out the embarrassment and shock, somehow. But she couldn’t do that. She was a GUY, damn it! A guy! And her mother was there, eying them speculatively, ready to find fault in their act. Ranma felt a sense of trapped dread creeping in on him. What was he suppose to do now?! What . . . ?

Ryoga moved first, looking haunted and ready to flee. He didn’t face the women in the doorway, but turned away from them, presenting Ranma with his profile. Face lowered, he closed his eyes with what looked like anguish, and his hands tightened into fists. His body grew so tight that he nearly vibrated. Grinding his teeth together, the Lost Boy looked back at Ranma, who was startled by his intense expression. Light from the house caught the shine of crystalline tears which stood in his eyes.

({ Oh man! He’s crying! Damn it all! })

"Gomen nasai," Ryoga breathed, leveling his words so that only Ranma could hear them. With a choked noise, he tore away, running back down the front walk and out onto the street. Quickly swallowed up by the darkness of the evening, he was gone before Ranma could call after him. His name died unuttered on her tongue.

"Hmmm," Nodoka broke the heavy silence that followed, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Well, I’m glad to see you home before I left for the evening, Ranko-chan," she said lowly. "Did you have a nice time?"

Ranma blinked, and realized that she was silently gulping for air. Swallowing down the hard lump in her throat, she composed herself and turned to face her mother with a weak smile. "Yeah we did, Aunt Saotome. Thanks for paying for dinner."

"It was my pleasure, dear. Your young man was rather rude, though. He left before thanking me himself, and I can’t say that I approve of him kissing you like that out in the open where the neighbors could see. That sort of thing is bad for your reputation, Ranko-chan."

"Ranko and Ryoga have known each other for years, Aunt Saotome," Akane piped up, her large brown eyes twinkling at Ranma in amusement. "Everyone knows how they feel about each other."

Akane’s good-natured tone was completely unexpected. Ranma stared at her, then frowned.

"Still, it doesn’t look good," Nodoka’s tone was laden with clear disapproval. She came down the front walk, carrying herself with her usual elegant poise, ever-present katana wrapped and cradled in her arms. To Ranma, that deadly package was like a shining beacon, illuminating his dishonor and subterfuge. She looked down, not willing to meet her mother’s eyes, least Nodoka recognize her son within the girl.

The older woman paused for a moment beside Ranma. Her pleasant words were in total contrast with the sharp sound of her voice. "I’m glad you had a nice time, dear. I must be going now, but I’ll see you girls later."

"Good night, Saotome-san," Kasumi called pleasantly with a warm wave. "We very much enjoyed your company this evening."

"Yes," Akane nodded with a smile she directed at Ranma. "Come back anytime!"

Ranma was relieved to get into the house and close the door behind her. She didn’t speak to anyone, or pause for even a moment, but tore up the stairs, heading for the bath. Akane followed, close on her heels, giggling merrily. While Ranma aggressively attacked her kimono, almost desperate to get out of the thing. Akane slid the door shut and locked it. Scowling at the intrusion, Ranma pointedly moved a screen into place so that she could properly shed the garment. "What do you want, Akane?" she grumbled. "Could I have a little privacy, please?"

"Not until I hear every detail of what happened tonight, Ranma," Akane demanded, smiling eagerly.

"What? Why?" Ranma tossed the kimono over the screen at her and sprang for the shower. Letting the slightly scalding water wash over her, she felt herself make the welcome transformation back into her true male form, and closed his eyes tightly, crouching under the spray to revel for a moment in the feeling. Much better. Damn, but everything felt much better when he was a guy. In the warm steaminess of the bath, with the soft lights shining down on him and the smell of soap in his nose, he could almost forget what had just happened between he and Ryoga out on the front walk. Almost forget the Lost Boy’s warm mouth and his rugged scent. Almost forget the light of terror in his eyes. Almost. Not quite. ({ Stay above it, Ranma! })

Akane wasn’t about to let him forget, anyway. She set the kimono aside and sat cross-legged beside the screen. "Come on, Ranma. I know this had to have been a miserable night for you. You were with Ryoga, after all. I can’t imagine he was the greatest date."

Irritation flickered through him, and Ranma was surprised by a need to defend the Lost Boy. "He was fine, Akane. He behaved himself and went along with the ruse pretty well. And he’s a good dancer." Ranma winced as soon as the words were out of his mouth, knowing instinctively that they were a mistake.

"You -danced- with him?" Akane asked gleefully.

Ranma rolled his eyes, straightening to shut off the shower and heading for the tub where he could sink into the water and hopefully unwind out of the tense state all of his muscles were currently stuck in. "Yeah. So what, Akane? It was a date."

"Well, not a -real- date, dummy. And I’ll just bet Ryoga loved that," the dark-haired girl chuckled, pressing a hand to her mouth to suppress greater laughter at the mental image she cooked up of the two rivals dancing together. "I can’t believe he’s a good dancer. He seems like such a klutz sometimes."

"Ryoga ain’t a klutz. He’s a martial artist, and martial artists ain’t klutzes," Ranma argued with annoyance.

"Well, I didn’t mean it quite like that. He’s a sweetheart, you know? But he has such a tendency to overact to everything, I’m really surprised that you were able to get him to dance with you. It seems like he’d consider that an offense to his honor, or something."

Ranma sighed heavily, lowering himself into the tub, letting the water wrap around him comfortingly. "Ryoga can always be counted on to help out, and that’s what he did. There’s a lot of honor in that."

"Hai, but to kiss you! I think that went waaaaay beyond the call of duty," Akane grinned.

"Oi!"

She laughed lightly. "Oh, Ranma. I’m just teasing you. But, how did you convince him to do it? It looked very realistic. Either he’s a better friend than I thought or you have something pretty serious on him to use as blackmail."

"Akane!" Ranma blushed hotly. Better friend than she thought? What the hell was that suppose to mean?! ({ Oh man, Ryoga . . . why did that happen? It was suppose to be just a ruse. Why did you kiss me back and why the hell didn’t I stop you? This just doesn’t make any sense! Him acting all weird and then this? What is going on? })

Even in the hot water, Ranma felt himself flush as he thought once more of the kiss he and Ryoga had shared. He hated to admit it, but it had felt so good, and when they were locked together like that, with Ryoga trembling violently and Ranma on the verge of weak collapse, Ranma had wanted it to never end. That was WRONG! He knew it, and he had sensed that Ryoga knew it. Forcing the image of Ryoga’s haunted expression out of his mind, Ranma determinedly attempted to enjoy his bath.

There was a soft knock at the door. Still chuckling, Akane reached over and turned the lock. Kasumi peeked her head in. If she disapproved of her little sister being in the bath while Ranma was using it, she didn’t let it show. "Ranma-kun?" she called softly over the screen. "I’m sorry to disturb you, but when will Ryoga-kun be returning your clothes?" Absently, she knelt down and picked up the discarded kimono.

Ranma blinked his eyes shut. "I told him to come over the back wall and that he could spend the night. Is that okay?"

"Certainly, and I thought you might have, but he hasn’t arrived yet. I asked Nabiki to walk around the wall outside, but she didn’t see him."

"Aw crud," Ranma groaned. Had the idiot gone and gotten himself lost again? How hard was it to follow a damned wall? It figured that Ryoga would go wandering off just when Ranma wanted to talk to him. ({ That’s probably -why- he wandered off, stupid. }) But Ranma shook his head, dismissing that thought almost immediately. ({ No, he wandered off because he was upset, and when Ryoga is upset he forgets about everything and doesn’t pay attention. And . . . he was very upset tonight. }) Worry began to filter into the pig tailed martial artist.

"He’ll be all right," Akane said, sounding unconcerned. "After all, getting lost is what he does best. I doubt you’ll see that nice shirt of yours again in wearable condition, though. He seems pretty hard on clothes."

"I can make Ranma another one," Kasumi assured with a sweet smile. "And come to think of it, I could make Ryoga a few new things while I’m at it. The clothes he has are pretty worn. I thought he was about the same size as you, Ranma, but it looks like he’s lost some weight."

Leave it to Kasumi to notice something like that. Her mention of it brought Ranma’s earlier concerns back to mind. Irritable and tired, wanting to forget about it, Ranma made a non-committal sound and submerged himself just to get away from everyone for a moment. When he resurfaced, Kasumi was shooing Akane out so that the young man could have some time to himself to finish his bath. He was grateful to Kasumi, but didn’t stay in the water for too much longer. It was quickly cooling off and he was too tense to relax anyway.

Wrapping a towel around himself, Ranma slipped down the hallway to the guestroom that he shared with his father. As usual, Genma’s giant panda form lay snoring raucously on one of the two sleeping pads. Ranma shot him a disgusted look, quickly pulled on the shorts and undershirt that he normally wore when sleeping, and redid his braid. However, as much as he had been looking forward to crawling into bed earlier, now he was too uptight to even think about turning in for the night. He flicked off the light and sat by the window, resting his chin in his hand, and staring out at the darkness, his blue eyes catching the low lantern lights from the back yard below, and the glow of the autumn moonlight.

He could feel the drop in temperature through the glass of the window, and hoped that Ryoga would be all right out in the cold during the night. He tried to tell himself that Ryoga was an old hand at roughing it, that a little chilly air would be nothing to the Lost Boy, but he didn’t believe himself. Even the most experienced outdoors man could get caught unawares if he was distracted, and Ryoga was certainly distracted tonight.

({ Why? }) Ranma wondered silently, leaning the side of his head against the cool surface of the glass. ({ Ryoga, what is wrong with you? Why are you acting so strange and why . . . why did you kiss me? })

A shadow in the yard caught his eye. He glanced quickly, but it was gone before he was able to get a good look at it. It was probably nothing anyway. One of the neighbors had a cat, a large mean-tempered grey creature that Ranma always dreaded running into. The fluffy monster was fascinated by the koi in the Tendo’s pond, and often came into the yard at night when out prowling. The flickering shadow had probably belonged to that beast. Ranma sighed and leaned against the window again, shutting his eyes.

********************************

For once in his life, Ryoga Hibiki knew exactly where he was.

With his back pressed against the wall of a neighboring house, Ryoga sat with his arms wrapped around his stomach and his knees drawn up, peering through the evening darkness at the Tendo residence, which was still warmly lit and looked as inviting as always. Tears ran freely down his cheeks, and he didn’t bother to brush them away or try to stop them. He had been crying a lot lately, and he was almost getting used to it. The tears, however, were inconsequential compared to the sharp pain of shame and misery that was buried deep in his gut.

{( -Idiot-! )} he cursed himself inwardly, lowering his head until his brow rested on his knees. His entire body trembled as he fought, unsuccessfully, to get himself back under control. {( What was I doing?! I -kissed- Ranma! How could I be so stupid, so thoughtless?! I’ve already ruined myself, damn it all! I can’t ruin Ranma too! Fool! Moron! I should have never come back here!! )}

He glanced up as the front door of the house opened and Nabiki emerged. She moved slowly, obviously searching for something, down the front walk and around the wall of the property. Ryoga remembered that Ranma had told him to hop over into the garden. Perhaps they were wondering why he hadn’t arrived yet? No, it was inconceivable that anyone would actually be concerned enough to look for him. Ranma was undoubtedly ready to kill him, furious at the violation to his person, and almost no one else in the house gave a damn about Ryoga. There had to be some other reason for Nabiki to be out. He watched until she came entirely around the property. Pausing for a moment at the door, she took a quick look at the street in front of the residence. Ryoga had chosen his hiding place well, however. He was low in a shadow behind a mailbox and unless someone was really seriously looking, which Nabiki wasn’t, then it wasn’t likely that he would be seen. Still, he breathed a sigh of relief when she disappeared into the house.

There was no way he could ever set foot in the Tendo home again. To do so would be to dishonor the entire family. Truthfully, he knew that he had been really pushing it when he showed up this morning, but he missed everyone so much that he couldn’t resist hopping over the wall upon finding himself in the familiar neighborhood. It was hard to pretend that nothing had changed, that he was still the same person that he had been the last time they saw him, especially when he no longer felt the same inside, but he had somehow managed to keep up appearances, at least until Ranma dragged him into the stupid date nonsense. Going along with that had been a mistake as well. Still, how could he have refused to help maintain the honor of another when he knew full well the pain of no longer having any himself?

Ryoga sighed chokingly as he thought of the morning events which now seemed so distant and far away. As usual Kasumi had been so sweet, immediately inviting him for breakfast, fussing over him like the mother he never saw. She was always ready to make him feel at home. Akane had looked as pretty as Ryoga had come to expect, with that bright little smile that he so loved . . . no . . .

Ryoga shook his head. He would not think about Akane. That was just setting himself up for greater pain.

And Ranma . . .

Ryoga squeezed his eyes shut. As the hurt threatened to swell up and overcome him, he fought and found a center of strength and denial within himself and forced it all back down into his gut. He would not deal with this, he -could not- deal with this, and he could no longer shield himself with anger and blustering threats. The only option he had was leave, run as far away from Nerima as he possibly could and get himself so damn lost that he would never find his way back. Ever.

The very thought hurt so much! Drawing in a sobbing breath, Ryoga hugged himself tightly, digging his fingers painfully into his rib cage. His parents . . . Akane, Ukyo, Akari, Kasumi . . . Ranma . . . Ranma . . .

No! He would burden none of them with his worthless disgraceful presence. Tears still wet on his face, Ryoga looked up, grinding his teeth in miserable determination. He watched the Tendo residence keenly, waiting for all of the lights to be put out. One by one, they were extinguished, the last remaining being that of the Tendo’s guest bedroom.

{( Why is he still up? Is he thinking about what I did? Is he hating me even more now? I almost wish he would come out here and kill me. Everything would be so much simpler. )}

Even after the light went out, Ryoga still waited, silent tears tracing over the lines of his face. It was quite some time before he got the nerve together to stand and slip towards the house. Drawing on all of his training, being as silent as he could, he hopped over the wall and slunk into the garden to retrieve his pack and belongings from where he had left them secured in the shrubs. He stuck close to the shadows and made little noise, not wanting to wake any of the house’s inhabitants. He did not want to face anyone, especially not Ranma. Especially not now.

Coming back here had been a very big mistake. He would not repeat that mistake again.

As he slipped away into the night, Ryoga looked back once, etching the shadowy picture of the house into his memory. The Tendo residence had been more of a home to him than his own family’s dwelling had ever seemed. It hurt to leave it, and the people who lived there, behind.

But then, everything hurt now.