DISLCLAIMER: Characters belong
to Rumiko Takahasi. Song belongs to Cyrcle.
Red Rubber Ball
It was morning. A bright brilliant morning that seemed completely out of place in the life that belonged to Ryoga Hibiki. Upon emerging from his tent to greet the day, he had turned his face to the shine of the sun, felt its warmth on his face and realized something profound and of great personal importance.
He was free.
The evening before had been a twisted nightmare of fights and words delivered by knife point. It had been one of the worst nights of his entire life, as he fought and struggled not only with his rivals, but with himself. Pulling himself from the tangle of bodies, all of whom had their own agendas and reasons for brawling, he had grabbed Akane Tendo’s hand, and in a rare moment of bravery and lucidity, he had confessed his love. At last. At long last.
Ryoga remembered keenly the abrupt silence that followed his stuttered statement, how all of the players had stopped in place as if flash-frozen, staring at him with disbelief in their eyes. Akane gaped down at him, free hand to her heart, looking as if someone had just told her the world was about to stop. She didn’t have the time to reply before the throng gathered its wits and exploded into various protests and encouragements.
"What?! Further competition for the coveted hand of the fair Akane Tendo? I, Tatewaki Kuno will not allow it!" These words obviously belonged to the self-proclaimed Blue Thunder of Furinkian High.
"Ryoga honey, I can’t believe you actually found the courage to say that!" That was from Ukyo, who stood shock still with battle spatula still held at the ready.
"Aiya! Stupid pig boy get stupid violent girl. Is perfect match! Then way free for Shampoo to have Ranma!"
"I’ll kill him first," Mousse responded to the words of his Amazon beauty, scowling behind his glasses.
"Wow," commented Nabiki from the porch of the house. "I never would have laid odds on Ryoga having the balls to come right out and say that he loved Akane."
"Oh my," Kasumi looked rather worried. The two fathers simply gaped in surprise, though Soun began to tear up at this new threat to the continuation of his precious dojo.
"Oh Akane! The ruffian is just right for you! Take him, then Ranma will be all mine! Aaah ha ha ha ha ha!!" This was obviously from Kodachi.
Even as he stared up at Akane, his heart beating hard and painfully in his chest, Ryoga noticed that Ranma stayed curiously silent. He was simply staring at the two, a stormy look in his dark blue eyes that was deep and contemplative. If he was surprised at Ryoga’s sudden surge of courage, he didn’t show it. His gaze remained steady, though Ryoga couldn’t tell if it was directed at him or Akane.
Kodachi’s comment had sparked a new round of arguments between the iinazuke, which escalated quickly. Ryoga didn’t care. He saw only Akane, the object of both his affection and frustration for so long now, and the longer she looked down at him, the more fragile he began to feel. She was staring through him, like glass, looking into him. Seeing all of the hope and fear and anguish and pain that he was made off. He began to tremble, quaking, knowing that he would fly apart if she was silent for another moment longer.
Akane looked at Ranma, who remained motionless. Then she knelt down to Ryoga’s level, patting his hand softly. "I know," she said softly in response to his declaration. Her voice could barely be heard over the sounds of bickering, but Ryoga clung to every syllable nonetheless. It was all right here. All right now.
"You’re so sweet Ryoga," she continued, her eyes filling with a softness that wasn’t quite close enough to affection. "You’re kind and good, and you’ve always been there for me whenever I needed you . . . "
Ryoga felt himself begin to break apart. "But?" he prompted, still managing to maintain his gaze on her eyes.
"But I think you know. I don’t love you. If things had been different . . . "
And he had shattered. He had been ripped apart right then and there in the backyard of the Tendo house. The world faded to stark black and white and his first thought was of suicide. He barely took notice of the continuing fight, did not see Ranma’s look of concern, or hear Akane try to call him back when he ran. He simply fled, trying to outrun the pain and the defeat and the utter surrender. There had been nothing left of him.
He had cried himself to sleep.
And when he woke . . . he realized that he was free. It hurt, oh Kami, it hurt. But he was free.
For so long now his world had been Akane. His existence had been for her, for the hope of a smile that she might drop towards him, for a bit of kindness. That world, that existence had splintered into a thousand irretrievable pieces, and when he came out of the tent to see how beautiful the morning was, it occurred to him that perhaps that wasn’t such a bad thing.
Up until that moment, Akane had been the only beauty in his life. Now that she was gone, the inherent joy in everything else was at last visible to him for the first time in years. Ryoga stared at the sky, the trees in the park around him, felt the breeze against his face and heard the sounds of the morning birds. He no longer needed Akane, for the entire world was a more than adequate substitute. It hurt on some level to come to that realization, but he recognized that was necessary if he ever hoped to move past Akane and let himself enjoy life again.
Suddenly, Ryoga Hibiki had hope.
As he broke camp, he found himself humming the tune to a song his mother used to sing when he was little and she was still listening to the records she had collected while in high school. It seemed appropriate to the day and to the feelings he was having. He had expected sorrow and depression, and was quite surprised that the only true sadness he felt was over having wasted so much time on a woman who he’d always known would never love him.
~~ I should have known you’d bid me farewell
~~ There’s a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very well
~~ Now I know you're not the only starfish in the sea
~~ If I never hear your name again, its all the same to me
~~ And I think its gonna be all right
~~ Yes, the worst is over now
~~ The morning sun is shining like
~~ A red rubber ball
Ryoga let his feet guide him, knowing he would never find the way if he tried to consciously think about it. The thought of going back to the Tendo Dojo brought some pain to his heart, but nothing like what he might have expected. He knew that now, at last, no matter what path life might see fit to take him down, he could eventually be happy. He no longer needed to pin all his hopes on Akane. There was only one thing he felt he had to say, one thing he had to do to give himself the closure he needed. It was hurt, but he was used to that, and once it was done, then he could truly begin to live again.
As he wandered through the streets of Nerima, watching the shops and restaurants open for the day, he thought back on all the times he had stumbled down these same streets, Akane being the only thought in his mind. He had always been so caught up in her, that he had never noticed the simple pleasures of the little stores that marked the way, the colorful banners and signs which hung everywhere, all of the different people that filled the busy morning. Nerima was such a lovely little place, and he had never seen it before.
Ryoga paused by a fruit shop and inhaled the fresh sweet scent of the wares. Selecting a pear, he paid the old lady who ran the stand, giving her a warm fetching smile that simply delighted her. Imagine! A young boy like that smiling at a woman her age!
Taking the time to savor his breakfast, Ryoga found a tree to sit beneath and watched the people as they went by. A group of girls his age wandered from shop to shop, giggling and tittering amongst themselves over this and that. For the first time in years, Ryoga didn’t compare their looks to Akane’s. They were all pretty, in their own little ways, and he wondered that he had never noticed things like that before. Two of them noted his interest and put their heads together to laugh conspiriously. Ryoga smiled warmly for them. It felt nice to interact with people again, however informally and fleetingly.
He showed the same interest to several young men that passed, admiring their slender good-looks. They ignored him, save one, a dark-haired beauty who blushed under the look Ryoga gave him and continued on quickly. He smiled again and finished his breakfast. The pear was just a little under-ripe, but tasted wonderful regardless.
As he continued, not in any real hurry to get anywhere, Ryoga thought about his relationship with Akane, how completely one-sided it had been. He had devoted himself to her, yet she had never returned that in the least, and he had to wonder why he had continued to pursue her. The only times she had ever shown him any sort of affection or interest, aside from when he was her pet pig, was when she wanted something. Wanted him to protect her. Wanted him to help make her iinazuke jealous. She had never seen him for who he really was, only for what he could do for her. And the care she lavished on P-Chan was empty, for she did not know her little pet was actually Ryoga, who died just a little every time he went to her in his cursed form.
It shamed him to think of how pathetic and starved for attention he had been. And even though he was no better off now then he had been the night before, everything was different. Akane would never be his, and his acceptance of that deep in the wee hours of morning had been more liberating than anything else could have been. Ryoga was free. And eventually the pain -would- fade.
He wasn’t surprised to look up and find himself in front of the Tendo Dojo. He followed the wall around to the back and, his mother’s tune once again playing in his head, hopped easily over the wall into the backyard.
~~ You never cared for secrets I’d confide
~~ For you I’m just an ornament, something for your pride
~~ Always running, never caring, that’s the life you live
~~ Stolen minutes of your time were all you had to give
~~ And I think its gonna be all right
~~ Yes, the worst is over now
~~ The morning sun is shining like
~~ A red rubber ball
Ranma and Akane were both in the yard, Akane sitting on the porch watching while the pig tailed boy went through his morning katas. They looked up at Ryoga’s arrival, and Akane immediately got up and hurried to him, her eyes large. She looked tired and upset, and though Ryoga’s heart went out to her, he no longer felt the same need to shelter and protect her that he had. He mourned the loss of his feelings even as he reminded himself of his new liberation.
"Ryoga! I was worried about you!" she exclaimed. "You ran away so fast last night, and I really wanted to talk to you and explain things."
"No need to explain, Akane," Ryoga replied with a smile, that adequately hid the pain he felt. From the corner of his eye, he saw a startled look cross Ranma’s face. Obviously the other martial artist wasn’t used to seeing the expression on Ryoga’s face.
"I understand," Ryoga finished.
"You do? I’m glad, Ryoga. I really am." Akane smile too, in a way that would have melted Ryoga’s heart yesterday. Today, it just seemed to fit in with all of the other pretty things he had encountered that morning. "Then we can still be friends, Ryoga?" she asked hopefully.
"Sure," he replied, slowly. "But I don’t think you’ll be seeing much of me from now on, Akane. There’s no reason for me to be here anymore, and I doubt my wandering will bring me back."
She looked confused. "Why not?"
This was it. Ryoga Hibiki pushed down all of the feelings of pain, hurt and insecurity, drove them deep within and out of himself. It took every ounce of his courage, even more than it had cost to tell her he loved her, and every bit of his admittedly shaky confidence, but he forced the words to form. He had to. He had to say it.
"Because I don’t need you, Akane Tendo."
Akane simply looked bewildered. That was probably the last thing she had expected to hear from the Lost Boy, who was usually so emotional in situations such as this. There were tears in his eyes, but they seemed to be tears of farewell more than tears of pain.
Thank you for showing me that." Ryoga leaned down and planted a sweet kiss on her cheek, then turned and hopped to the top of the garden wall, pausing to look back at the two confused young people in the yard below, wiping the moisture from his eyes.
Ranma had come forward, a speculative look on his face and an odd misplaced light of . . . hope ? . . . in his eyes. Ryoga wondered briefly what that was for. Was Ranma hoping that he would really leave this time? He didn’t feel any of the usual hostility from the boy. In fact, there was just a hint of a smile on his lips. Ryoga gazed at him for a moment, and was not especially surprised when the sudden thought that Ranma was very beautiful popped into his head. Everything seemed beautiful today, yes, but the young blue-eyed martial artist seemed especially so. He was disheveled and sweaty from his work-out, a damp towel wrapped around his neck, but still retained a part of that special little something that the Lost Boy was finding so appealing about the morning.
Ryoga smiled, for Ranma. "Good bye," he said liltingly, waving. Turning, he jumped down from the wall, back into the street.
~~ The story’s in the past, with nothing to recall
~~ I’ve got my life to live and I don’t need you at all
~~ The roller coaster ride we took is nearly at an end
~~ I bought my ticket with my tears, that’s all I’m gonna spend
~~ And I think its gonna be all right
~~ Yes, the worst is over now
~~ The morning sun is shining like
~~ A red rubber ball
"Honestly, that boy is beyond me. What do you suppose that was all about?" Akane put her hands on her hips, glaring at the back wall in the direction Ryoga had gone. Something about his words bothered her a great deal. There had been none of the usual affection and respect in his tone that she had come to expect from him. She found that she was rather disappointed over their absence.
Ranma also gazed in the same direction, a strange little smile on his face that she had never really seen before. Without a word, he removed the towel from around his neck and tossed it aside, springing to the top of the wall just as Ryoga had done. From his vantage point, he could see the boy just a little ways down the street, stopped beside a vendor’s cart.
"Ranma!" Akane yelled. "Where are you going?!"
He didn’t bother to answer her, choosing instead to spring to the next roof over and land beside Ryoga just as he was getting ready to continue his journey through town.
"Hey," he greeted as he landed.
Ryoga was startled at first, but then smiled, his dark eyes sparkling. "Hey," he repeated the greeting.
Ranma looked a bit nervous, as if not sure how to start, and both boys recognized this as a beginning. A hopeful beginning. Something new and special, created by the destruction of Ryoga’s infatuation the night before. Where once there had been no chance, hope was being born. The pain in Ryoga’s heart lightened a little more.
Ranma inclined his head vaguely in the direction of the park. "Wanna go . . . um . . . spar or something?"
"Yeah," Ryoga agreed simply. They turned as one and fell into step with each other as they walked. The sunlight shimmered brilliantly as it fell on Ryoga’s head, warming him all the way through, and he looked sideways at his companion, a new surge of fascination coursing through his body. It felt good. It felt right.
It felt free.
~~ And, I think its gonna be all right
~~ Yes, the worst is over now
~~ The morning sun is shining like
~~ A red rubber ball
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